I hear from many people who are mired in the same bad relationship cycle. The circumstances, of course, are all a little different. The end result, however, is the same. She's irritated with him over a long list of grievances. He's irritated with her either because she's irritated with him or because he has his own list. Either way, they back bite, perform random acts of sabotage (not folding his clothes when she is folding the laundry, for instance, or purposefully not washing his favorite shirt), and generally bicker and fight constantly.
There are lots of problems in such relationships, and when I read such emails I often, think, "Oh Lord, where should they start?"
Today, for all of you who are mired in such relationships, I'm offering one place to start. It's not the only place to start. It's not a relationship cure. It's just one good place.
It's this: perform one random act of love every day.
You did this naturally when you met. That's when you were in love. It came naturally for him, back then, to chisel the ice off your car at 6 a.m. because he loved you and for you to make that chicken pot pie that he so loves because you loved him.
Now things are a little different. Now it's going to take quite a bit of effort, not to mention humility, courage, and forgiveness. Everyday, at least once a day:
Do a good deed for your significant other. Bring him lunch at work. Fold his socks. Buy his favorite brand of beer. Send his mother a birthday gift.
Hug him and tell him that you love him.
Compliment him.
Say something nice about him to one of his friends.
Try not to do that one thing you know he hates. For instance, for me, I try not to leave my hairbrush on the bathroom counter.
Smile.
It may sound silly and overly simple, but these random acts of love can help to pull your relationship out of the random acts of sabotage cycle. They can remind you that you both fell in love for a reason and are together for a reason. They can give you the strength to face your problems together and to talk about them like grown ups. Most important, they just might help you to fall back in love.
There are lots of problems in such relationships, and when I read such emails I often, think, "Oh Lord, where should they start?"
Today, for all of you who are mired in such relationships, I'm offering one place to start. It's not the only place to start. It's not a relationship cure. It's just one good place.
It's this: perform one random act of love every day.
You did this naturally when you met. That's when you were in love. It came naturally for him, back then, to chisel the ice off your car at 6 a.m. because he loved you and for you to make that chicken pot pie that he so loves because you loved him.
Now things are a little different. Now it's going to take quite a bit of effort, not to mention humility, courage, and forgiveness. Everyday, at least once a day:
Do a good deed for your significant other. Bring him lunch at work. Fold his socks. Buy his favorite brand of beer. Send his mother a birthday gift.
Hug him and tell him that you love him.
Compliment him.
Say something nice about him to one of his friends.
Try not to do that one thing you know he hates. For instance, for me, I try not to leave my hairbrush on the bathroom counter.
Smile.
It may sound silly and overly simple, but these random acts of love can help to pull your relationship out of the random acts of sabotage cycle. They can remind you that you both fell in love for a reason and are together for a reason. They can give you the strength to face your problems together and to talk about them like grown ups. Most important, they just might help you to fall back in love.
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